Living in 2020: Police Brutality Edition

At this point in the year, I’m sure we have all experienced Covid-19, the Black Lives Matter Movement, Pride month, a long with many other things… it has been a crazy time to be alive and a lot in a short period of time.

The world went into pandemic, which hit most of the US in late February/early March. This was overwhelming in its own and was something most of us have never gone through before. This post is not about that though. Shortly after the US starts to reopen into normalcy, on May 25th, George Floyd was killed at the hands of the police in Minneapolis.

If you are reading this, I’m sure you are very up to date on the media that we see through Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and news outlets daily. There have been protests everywhere in the US also making their way out into various other countries across the world. I am not here to talk about my views and my opinions on the BLM Movement but more so to share facts, data and resources for others to use to broaden their knowledge on these matters.

Police brutality – a very, VERY big problem we have here in the US. Nearly 1000 people die yearly at the hands of our police departments. Of all the lives that have been lost due to police brutality, African Americas have the highest death rate, followed by Hispanics and then Whites. These deaths have occurred in EVERY STATE in the US. I will leave a URL with access to the database of all deaths from the police at the end of this post so you can look further if you want too.

Legally, police are allowed to use “deadly force” under two circumstances. 1) To protect their life or the life of another innocent party. 2) Defense of Life, which is to prevent the suspect from escaping BUT only if the officer believes they are a threat to other lives. When an officer uses deadly force on another person they are required to demonstrate if their actions are “objectively reasonable.” This is where the stickiness of conflict comes in. What is visible to us VS. how the officer feels (threatened), unfortunately, makes the difference in most brutality cases. This is hard because many can feel threatened, when more often than not, there is no visible threat there. From many studies, it was proven that officers make the decision to pull the trigger when feeling threatened in TWO SECONDS. I hope you see the problem. A young African American boy playing with a toy gun, gets shot and killed because an officer felt threatened… His name? Tamir Rice. His killer? Timothy Loehmann. Loehmann was 26 when he shot and killed Rice who was 12. What happened to Timothy Loehmann? He was declared emotionally unstable and unfit for duty AFTER a young life was lost. The Cleveland PD never reviewed his file before hiring him. THIS IS OUR PROBLEM.

In the US, unlike other countries, has an extremely flawed police system. Here in the US we kill and imprison more than any other developed country. As I stated earlier, annually, 1000 people are killed at the hands of the US police departments. The next highest number of deaths….36…THIRTY SIX. Canada loses 36 lives annually to police brutality. The numbers go down from there. Any life lost to police brutality is one life too many but there is a huge problem we have here. What makes this difference? Cops in Norway have 3 years of training compared to the 34 weeks (rough estimate) in the US. Norway also has not lost a life to due to the police force since 2016. Many other countries require further education to become an officer while in the US, you can be a recent high school graduate and apply. I will say, each state is allowed to make their own requirements so it does differ per state, but the qualifications are rather “fast and loose” compared to those of other countries.

We have lost so many lives due to police brutality and I hope this helped some who have opposing views to the Black Lives Matter movement, have some additional perspective of why this movement is fighting for justice. Black men and women are killed more unjustly at the hands of the police than any other race in the US. This is a problem. Our police force is not trained adequately to recognize equality and that is where our problem lies. All lives do matter, and I personally, do not see color. However, I do believe that all lives can’t matter until Black Lives Matter. If we care about ALL lives, we need to start caring MORE about black lives. They are the most in danger.

Like I said at the beginning of this, I’m not here to talk about my views and opinions on this movement but share helpful information and resources. I hope this gave you more knowledge than you might not have had before. I hope this helps encourage those who are behind the movement to keep fighting for equality and have more facts to pull from. I hope this helps those who support the “blue lives” or “all lives” and gives you something to think about.

At the end of this post I will have some resources for those who want to support the black community during this time or educate themselves more on the matter.

Before I get to the resources, I wanted to give an explanation of where I went. I took some time off from blogging regularly due to the circumstances of the world. I had a hard time feeling motivated to write and didn’t feel like my impact was there anymore. Recently I have found that drive again and am going to be dedicated to giving you content at least twice a month. Stay tuned for upcoming posts over: 30 days of running, meal kit reviews, my time using CBD, and more! I read what you want and I want to do every request I have had. Keep sending me the content you want to read about at: thecortisoldiaries@gmail.com

RESOURCES:

Five Ways to Support the Black Lives Matter Movement From Home ...

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

Checking in on Resolutions

So its the beginning of March… why am I just now bringing up resolutions? I want to talk about my goals and resolutions for the year in a different way than normal. Usually resolutions are something that is gung ho strong throughout January and February they tend to die off, being completely in the resolution graveyard by March.

Its March now, so I want to go over my accountability and how I’ve been maintaining or slacking on my resolutions and goals for the year at this point. I feel like this is a great opportunity to reassess and exam what you had pointed out as areas for improvement earlier this year compared to where you are currently. Two months may not seem like a significant amount of time to see differences or improvements, let’s look into it a little further.

First I think its important to go over what I set as my resolutions/goals for the year.

  • Run more – 52 miles for the year and one 5K each quarter AT LEAST – running isn’t my favorite so I thought this would be a fun challenge for myself
  • Practice mindfulness – as we know I struggle with anxiety and I would love to start utilizing more holistic approaches to stress relief
  • Write once a week – I love writing but don’t dedicate as much time to it as I wish I did
  • Payoff my credit card debts
  • Ask for help and verbalize my feelings more
  • Travel to a new place
  • Read 12 new books – for fun, for work and for my personal gain/knowledge

Seven resolutions/goals…..Seems like an aggressive amount. I think so too, but I love a good push and to challenge myself. Let’s walk through each of these one by one and see what I was thinking when I made them and where I’m at currently with achieving these and being able to build on them.

RUN MORE:

I definitely have never been a strong or consistent runner, for that matter. I’m pretty active through Camp Gladiator but I wanted a new challenge. This one has 100% been a challenge for me but I have loved getting out of my comfort zone and pushing myself. I have seen myself gain some different strengths, from mentally to physically.

Right now, sitting in the beginning of March, I have ran 41 miles. Just 11 shy of my goal for the YEAR. You would’ve never been able to tell me I would be able to run 41 miles in 2 1/2 months. In addition to that, I have completed my first 5K race during the Austin Marathon! My sister agreed to run 1 race a quarter with me, so far so good. We haven’t found the next 5K we will do but I will keep you posted.

MINDFULNESS:

As we all know, I struggle with a lot of stress and high cortisol which leads me to having anxiety. I really have wanted to overcome some of these high anxiety days with holistic approaches. I’ve been bouncing around on a few things that I’ve noticed seem to work for me. I plan on posting a blog specifically on this to share how it has been for me and what I have incorporated.

WRITING:

This is something that I can honestly say I have been slacking on. I will be very consistent for a week then I will fall of for a few, then the cycle repeats. To hold myself more accountable, I have started giving myself 3 things to write about every day. 1) Something I did good at work. 2) Something I did good in my personal life. 3) Something I did good in a relationship I have. I decided to do this to help keep myself positive as well as reflective, and consistent to write more frequently 🙂

PAYING OFF CREDIT CARD DEBTS:

This is a fun one! So I have been actively tackling this, this year. I paid off one credit card/loan that I got back in 2017 for $4K and I had it paid off in February! I do still have 3 active credit cards. 1 with an incredibly small balance, 1 that should be relatively easy to pay and 1 that definitely will take the year. With that being said, I like to practice the snowball method. Give it a quick google search and you’ll know what I mean. Graduating with accounting, I care a lot about finances and setting myself up for success, if anyone would like me to share some of my finance friendly tips & habits, shoot me an email and I can start brainstorming!

ASK FOR HELP & VERBALIZE:

I am my fathers daughter and I have a huge problem addressing my feelings and asking for help. I think both of these things have done nothing but add to my already high stress brain and makes everything a little worse. I have been actively working on this and being more self aware of when I do this. I still struggle but I have found myself being more open about things I like, dislike or things that bother me. Asking for help is probably a little harder….but I’m trying to work on that one as well. One step at a time.

TRAVEL TO A NEW PLACE:

I haven’t tackled this yet or have anything in the books yet (coronavirus) BUT its something I still very much am wanting to do this year. I have traveled three times already this year but nowhere new. I went to Colorado and went snowboarding for the very first time, which was awesome but super hard and altitude sickness sucks. Then I also visited California, starting in SoCal and ending in the Bay Area.

READ 12 NEW BOOKS:

This basically breaks down to one book a month, easy enough right? WRONG (lol). I have read two books so far this year, just started my third and I really really REALLY want to accomplish this. I just need to hold myself more accountable. I’m also such a slow reader so that definitely doesn’t help.

There you have it folks! My 2020 new years resolutions and goals! I’m pretty proud of where I’m at with all of these and still going strong with them. I definitely have a long way to go to achieve everything I want to for the year but with due time I’ll be where I need too. Maybe I’ll do another check in half way through the year to keep a healthy update for you.

If any of the topics I went over are intriguing or you would like more details/more of please let me know! I still have quite a few things I’m working on for posts but always the more the merrier. Email me at: thecortisoldiaries@gmail.com

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

I Tried Tom Brady’s TB12 Diet For One Week…

To kick-start 2020 I decided to do something a little different. I looked at a bunch of different fad diets that are commonly done. In honor of football season coming to a close, I landed on Tom Brady’s TB12 Diet. The idea here is I can try these crazy diets and report my findings so you don’t have too. Of course, everyone is different but here is how this week went for me.

First, let’s go over some essentials to this diet. For starters, you should start your morning with electrolytes to really help get yourself hydrated. This diet calls for insane amounts of water to be drank throughout the day. His diet is heavily alkaline based foods, meaning he eats about 80% alkaline and 20% approved carbs BUT he actually doesn’t really ever eat carbs in that form. He has some random weird rules, like if you need a snack you should drink a protein shake or fruit, but you shouldn’t eat fruit with any other food or carbs with any protein… You also shouldn’t drink water while you eat. He uses very minimal seasonings. He ALWAYS drinks a protein shake within 20 minutes of his workouts, which he workouts all the freaking time. I worked out 6/7 days on this diet and that was aggressive for me. He also doesn’t eat dairy or sweets….only thing allowed is dark chocolate. Lastly, if you drink any alcohol, you must match each glass with a glass of water… Easier said than done but its achievable and keeps you going to the bathroom double your normal “broken seal” amount.

Now that you know the basics, let’s get to it.

The Sunday before I started was a prep day. I took a couple hours to do some extensive research and plan out what I was going to be eating for the week. This is my grocery haul I ended up with:

I spent about $60 on all of this and followed the diet down to the decimal. If you google the diet, there is an approved shopping list. I highly recommend looking at that before you make your meals so you can check exactly what you need and if it actually fits the diet. This diet is technically lower carb and higher healthy fats and protein.

Now let’s break down my days and meals. I journaled every day to go over how I was feeling and took pictures of everything I put into my body.

Day 1:

Breakfast: a green fruit/veggie protein smoothie
Lunch: a salad with beef, cucumber, tomato and avocado
For the dressing, I combined some hummus and mixed it with lemon and water.
Snack: blueberries, raspberries, blackberries
Dinner: post workout protein shake, a beyond beef patty with some kimchi

Day 1 had me feeling like a health queen. The meals were better than I expected and they made me feel good. I didn’t really have any cravings yet. The main thing I noticed was how much I was going pee since I had increased my water intake so much. I was drinking roughly 120 oz of water each day + electrolyte packets every morning. This day my macros broke down to the following: 1077 cals, 86g protein, 71g carbs, 53g fat.

Day 2:

Breakfast: another green protein smoothie
Snack: more blueberries, raspberries and blackberries
Lunch: another beyond beef patty with kimchi (without the protein shake)
Dinner: post workout banana protein shake + salmon, brussel sprouts with tahini and lemon, avocado gremolata (avocado, garlic and lemon)

I woke up CRAVING carbs. All I could think about was kolaches. Needless to say, my breakfast smoothie was less than stellar. I got over it and pushed through, eating my snack at 9 am, I was left with more cravings for bread by 10. I ate my lunch and felt a little better. Before my workout I felt very depleted, like I needed sugar or caffeine, which by the way he doesn’t drink, I think you can have 200mg of it so good luck. I wasn’t able to get anything before my workout so I decided I would treat myself after. I ate dinner which the texture helped a lot with some of my cravings and I had some dark chocolate after that was super satisfying. I’m not a huge dark chocolate fan but I feel changed now. I went to bed feeling a lot more satisfied than I had all day. Macros for day 2: 1218 cals, 115g protein, 65g carbs, 58g fat

Day 3:

Breakfast: another fruit and veggie protein smoothie
Lunch: salmon, brussel sprouts with tahini and lemon, avocado gremolata
Snack: wooooooo more berries
Dinner: post workout banana protein shake + leftover salad from day 1 + some more dark chocolate

I big craving I had on day 3 was water. I felt like I couldn’t get enough of it. I decided I really like drinking electrolytes and I actually ordered some more from LiquidIV. By this day I had mastered making smoothies the perfect consistency and I had actually start to enjoy them. I didn’t really have any food cravings and was finally getting a good understanding of what I needed to eat to feel satisfied. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I wanted to do with zoodles I had, someone ate spaghetti at work so I ended up craving spaghetti so I was trying to figure out how to make the sauce myself… But we’ll get to that later. Overall, my energy levels had definitely shown an increase. I only got about 5 hours of sleep the previous night and I didn’t hit any walls throughout the day. Macros for day 2: 1264 cals, 123g protein, 82g carbs, 53g fat

Day 4:

Breakfast: aaaaaaaaaand another protein smoothie
Snack: did someone say more berries?
Lunch: a pork steak with a berry salad with almonds and balsamic as dressing
Dinner: CHIPOTLE!!!! Salad bowl with steak, tomato pico, medium salsa and guacamole + banana protein shake

I accidentally didn’t put enough fruit in my breakfast smoothie so I was super hungry before lunch and ate my snack early. It was a struggle to retain myself form eating my lunch at 10 AM lol. The only thing that kept me from doing that was the fact that I knew I was getting Chipotle for dinner – which everything in my bowl was TB12 approved. The Chipotle, unfortunately, didn’t satisfy me as much as I hoped it would. The guy I’m dating got double rice and it was honestly heartbreaking to see him eat the rice while I couldn’t have any. Also, not pictured, but I had one glass of red wine that I matched with the same amount of water. I semi cheated this day… My boss at work got me a sugar free mocha from Starbucks, I couldn’t refuse so I did have it. But technically, I barely cheated because there was no added sugar and the caffeine was less than 200mg, I just don’t know if real milk was put in or not. I had a pretty satisfied day. Macros for day 4: 1226 cals, 113g protein, 101g carbs, 43g fat

Day 5:

Breakfast: only two more days of smoothies after this one….
Lunch: Poke Bowl!!! TB12 approved without rice. I got salad mix, salmon, tuna, spicy tuna, cucumber, edamame, seaweed salad, masago and citrus ponzu
Dinner: banana protein shake + zoodles and shrimp with an avocado, lemon, garlic sauce

Day 5 was truly the game changer. I felt like I was performing in all aspects of my life at optimum levels. I wasn’t feeling sluggish or tired at all and I didn’t have the best sleeping schedule this week. My energy was lasting throughout the whole day, I no longer felt like I needed sugar before my workouts. I was also having almost no cravings anymore. I went out to get lunch so I could give other options of what to eat if you wanted to go out and get something. I didn’t bring any snacks and that really bit me in the ass. I was so hungry by the time lunch came around. I ate my poke so fast you would have thought I had never eaten before. I wished I would’ve doubled up on protein because I was still a little hungry after I ate. It wasn’t the same without rice and spicy mayo but it was still good. My dinner this night was KILLER, definitely made up for my pasta craving I had earlier in the week. I completely winged the sauce recipe but it actually turned out pretty good. I would honestly make it again. Macros for day 5: 1175 cals, 112g protein, 81g carbs, 45g fat

Day 6:

Breakfast: only one more smoothie after this one
Snack: Post trail run blueberries and flax-seed crackers
Lunch: a build your own salad from Mad Greens, honestly don’t remember everything in this one..
I think mixed greens, chicken, quinoa, almonds, mango, edmame, and I think that’s it tossed with sriracha and balsamic
Dinner: zoodles and shrimp with an avocado, lemon, garlic sauce

This morning I really wasn’t hungry before my trail run which was the first time that I woke up still feeling full and satisfied. After my trail run, I went to my parents house to get some exposure around people while trying to stick to the diet. It was definitely challenging. My parents kept talking about ordering pizza for dinner while I ate my salad from Mad Greens…I ended up leaving before they ordered it because I genuinely didn’t know if I could control myself. Also not pictured, a lovely piece of dark chocolate that I had. This was the first day that I didn’t drink my protein shake after I had physical activity and I was RAVENOUS. Macros for the day: 1557 cals, 131g protein, 134g carbs, 62g fat

Day 7:

Breakfast: THE LAST SMOOTHIE
Lunch: salmon crusted with everything but the bagel seasoning and brussel sprouts tossed in balsamic
Dinner: finished with a flexible meal that is actually sustainable! Chicken wings, salad and sweet potato fries, accompanied with mimosas matched with water

I woke up so hungry and so happy that this was my last day. I used this day to really incorporate balance. I stuck to TB12 for breakfast and lunch but went a little more flexible for dinner. I think after doing this diet for a week, balance is key. And let me tell you, those wings and sweet potato fries were God sent. I also didn’t track my macros for this day. I don’t think tracking macros is something that is sustainable long term either. Its really good for short term goals and achieving things more quickly and strict. I think intuitive eating will help you know what your body needs. If anything, counting calories would be the most helpful if you just want to track cals in VS cals out.

So what was the verdict behind the week?

Left: before. Right: after.
My upper abdominal definitely leaned out, probably from cutting the carbs.
Left: before. Right: after.
My whole abdominal area was just a little tighter.

Here is the breakdown before VS after:

  • Weight: 127.2 –> 122.4
  • Body fat: 27.3% –> 25.8%
  • BMI: 25 –> 24

Overall, I did enjoy giving this diet a try. I feel like it forced me to think outside of the box with meals and challenged me to cook things I normally don’t. I definitely think the weight I lost was all water weight from the carbs I cut out. I was still eating carbs but it was all made up of fruits and vegetables which are very different from bread and rice carbs. I wasn’t holding on to water weight which was actually kind of awesome. I think that’s why I was able to lean out so much in one week. I don’t think this diet is sustainable though, as much as I wish I could eat like this every day, you’re very limited. I love food and trying new things and I’m sure Tom Brady’s chef can make him what fits his diet with more variety than what us peasants can do in our own kitchens. I plan to start incorporating more of the eating habits I picked up to my normal eating schedule but I don’t think I could last more than what I did strictly. If you have a lot of time for meal prep, lots of money to spend and don’t really care about food that much, this is probably a good diet for you! The results on your body would definitely be killer if you stuck with it. I was happy with my one week results.

If this is content you like seeing and want more like this, send me some diets or challenges you want me to try out so you don’t have too! thecortisoldiaries@gmail.com

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

So You Want To Talk About Dating?

After many requests for it, I’ve finally gotten around to making this post happen. To reflect on the past year, I definitely had some up and downs with dating but I have grown immensely as a person from it.

Dating is a weird concept to me. The most recent generations , including my own, have made dating and relationships such an over-complicated, toxic process. First you have to meet someone you mildly like, maybe you sleep with them, maybe you don’t. This eventually leads to the “talking” phase, which is bullshit, in my opinion. What does that even mean? “We’re just talking,” so what you’re saying is you are having a RELATIONSHIP with this person but not throwing a label on it and giving the other person opportunities to do whatever they want, with whoever they want because at the end of the day, you aren’t actually “in a relationship”….stupid.

Unless you have had the overrated “so are we exclusive” talk, you are single in my books and free to date, sleep with and do whatever with whoever you want too. That talk is something serious though, you either move forward and are officially exclusive with this person, or you part ways. If you’re not ready to face that reality that they might not want to date you in a serious manner, keep doing what your doing but remember at the end of the day, you’re single and so is that other person. Again, all of these things I’m sharing are my personal opinion on the subjects.

“If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its a fucking duck.” – in simpler terms, I call it how I see it. If you are doing relationship things (going on dates, talking every day, having sex, etc…), you are in a relationship. Don’t make yourself available to a person that doesn’t have the same view on these things as you. Something I learned from a previous relationship I was in, you can’t make things work if your partner doesn’t want to make things work. I was in 100% in our relationship and I had a good idea that he wasn’t but instead of confronting that, I kept playing house with him like everything was fine. Then when his feelings were brought to the light, I was heartbroken and shocked but guess what? I knew it wasn’t going to work, so why did I stay in a situation that I knew would hurt me? Because having him for a little longer was better than not having anyone, which is fucked up.

Since that relationship, my views have completely changed. I no longer date to the norm that I used to being one of those people that I talked about earlier, with the phases and not normal societal bullshit.

Over the last couple months I’ve dated anywhere from 1-2 guys up to 5 at one time. I don’t recommend dating more than 3 people at once, it can be exhausting but don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about dating around. I’ve met some really cool people from dating and I have never felt like I wasted time.

Also, let’s not get this confused – dating around and sleeping around are different. When I date around, I’m not sleeping with these people, for the main reason, “Why would he buy milk when he can get the cow for free?” I’m really on a roll with the sayings today, but really. Another weird truth in our world, if you’re sleeping with someone without being exclusive, why would they want to date you? Not to say sleeping with people is bad, but you just have to remember not to expect much out of it. Sometimes that’s not the case but more often than not, you guys are just hooking up and that’s all it is. Trust me, from experience, its hard to move from hooking up to serious dating with someone. Keep that in mind.

This got a little ranty but I got my main points across. Before you can date anyone though, you have to be ok with yourself. Its cliche but you really do need to learn how to be happy alone before you can truly find something special to share with someone. Don’t let shitty men or women control your emotions and always be honest with what you’re doing.

Maybe I’ll do I follow up on this if it’s something you guys enjoy reading but until then…

Keep sending me what kind of content you want to see! I have a lot of great things coming up that you guys have been asking about, so stay tuned.

Email me here: thecortisoldiaries@gmail.com

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

Health During the Holidays

We all get busy with life, family and friends from November through January and it can definitely be tough to stay on track with your fitness goals. Holidays shouldn’t be something that seems scary or you should dread, but something that brings happiness! Today I’m going to go over my top 5 tips for making health during the holidays a little more manageable.

  1. Portion control is everything. I know how tempting it is to pile on the mashed potatoes and green bean casserole…but less is more. Usually there are so many things to try and you overestimate. Filling your plate up so every inch is covered and overflowing. You’re nervous to walk from the setup area to the table because lets face it, you’re tipsy and have a plate piled high of delicious goods that you don’t want the dog to catch on the floor. Instead of doing this, get a little bit of everything in small portions. This gives you the opportunity to try everything and instead of stuffing yourself silly you can eat a comfortable amount then go back for seconds of your top favs.
  2. Plan your weekly workouts in advance. With friendsgivings, family gatherings and everything in between, working out can seem like something you don’t have time for. Instead of making excuses, make plans. You know your weeks in advance. Take time to sit down and plan what days you can dedicate to at least a 30 minute workout and stick to it. Planning around your schedule can make things more achievable and feel less stressful than trying to squeeze in workouts where you can’t make it fit.
  3. Don’t overdo the alcohol. This one is hard, as I know drinking is a very common family gathering thing and its very common to relieve some of the stress that comes with being around your family. With that being said, don’t use every excuse you can to drink. Would you rather eat your calories or drink them? Of course, get a little wine drunk on Thanksgiving or take that shot with your mom…but know the balance of drinking heavily one day might require you to take it easy for a couple in return.
  4. Have a holiday accountability buddy. Whether that person is a close friend you trust to keep your best interest in mind or a trainer you might have. Reach out to someone to help hold you accountable and give them the same in return. Moderation and accountability is always easier when you have someone in your corner. Set goals and make sure your accountability partner knows them to hold you to them for the week. Whether its getting your workouts in or making sure you only have one glass of wine at dinner rather than four.
  5. Enjoy yourself. Its ok to indulge a little more during the holidays. They only come around once a year. Don’t beat yourself up about missing a workout or the extra roll you ate. You can always bounce back off of it. Being mindful is key but always remember its ok to enjoy that glass of wine with your sister or share a piece of pie with your mom. Or hell eat a whole damn pie to yourself because you can and if you want to you should.

Holidays are naturally a stressful time so don’t let being healthy add another stress, just be mindful about what you’re doing. These tips can definitely give you a good place to start to keep your fitness goals in mind with the upcoming holiday season around the corner.

Let me know what other things you want me to write about at: thecortisoldiaries@gmail.com

Until next time…

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

Let’s Talk About Mental Health

Sort of switching things up with this post. For starters, terribly sorry about the inconsistency but this post should clear some things up! My travels for work have finally closed for awhile (I think) but I’ve definitely been a busy bee and working through a lot of things.

If you follow my posts, you know summer and the last couple months have been very busy with life events and work events. Something that has been talked about a lot lately and that I’ve done a lot of research on right now is stress and anxiety. In some of my earliest posts, I talk about struggling with stress and high cortisol, the main reason I started this blog. I’ve been able to keep everything at bay for about a year until recently.

Over the last few weeks I noticed myself falling into a lot of stressful situations and it felt like one thing after another. Before I knew it, I was a stressed out, anxious mess. I started having anxiety attacks and felt like I had taken 20 steps backwards from this point a year ago. So here I was, sitting and thinking, “How did I let myself get to this point again? How did I get better last time?” These thoughts just crippled me and made everything worse.

So for starters, what triggered all of this for me? I won’t go into large details but brief overviews. If anyone does want to talk about any of these things or would like another post on any of it please feel free to email me!

Going back to late August/early September, a guy that I had been seeing for a few months decided I was no longer what he wanted anymore. A few weeks after that I traveled a lot back to back. Going to Colorado and then Southern California, one for play and one for work. Traveling in its own is always stressful. While I’m on my work trip in Costa Mesa, I find out my grandma who raised me had passed. I come home from that trip to my cat being extremely ill and having to be hospitalized for almost a week. He barely made it but he did and left me with a very large medical. There were some lay offs at my job. These were all the negative stressful things that had happened. I felt like I was constantly having to adapt to figuring out a new normal and as I was working on that other things continued to happen that just kept setting me back. I got to the point of not even knowing what normal was anymore.

On a more positive side, some things I did during this time that I enjoyed but also added stress…. I was in my best friends wedding. I went to a Packers game (my first NFL game!). I went to Austin City Limits for the first time. I went to a University of Texas game and had a visitor from California stay with me. All of these things were so fun and I’m glad I was able to do them all but it still did take a toll on me considering all of the negative things I was also trying to work through.

I go to therapy every other week and its been helpful to work through some of these things. I spiraled so much that I almost didn’t know what to say anymore when I went. I actually go again this week for the first time in about a month and I couldn’t be more excited.

Back to what had happened though. I had all of these stressful things going on, positive and negative that I was trying to work through and cope with. The last few weeks have probably been the hardest and most mentally draining for me. Which got me wondering, how many other people are struggling with this too. I had never had a problem with constant anxiety, just stress management so it was all new to me. I talked to a lot of people about these things. What they do to cope, what anxiety looks like for them, what triggers them, how frequent they feel anxious, the list goes on… And what I noticed is, every single person is different but everyone struggles with anxiety and stress in some shape or form and have different coping mechanisms.

For me personally, I think living an overall healthy lifestyle helps me most but what do you do when you’re losing your shit and your normally healthy lifestyle isn’t keeping you together anymore? That’s what I was experiencing.

This is what it was like for me. I felt myself spiraling, losing grip on how to keep myself in a good head space. I was worried about everything, anxious and stressed 24/7 about things that I had no control over. I lost my appetite and had a hard time eating, maybe taking in 500-1000 cals day, if even. In one week I lost 5 lbs and was unable to do any physical activity because I felt so faint and lightheaded from not consuming enough. I was genuinely worried about myself and my health. I had never experienced anything like this before and it was truly out of body for me. I hated it.

Like I said I already see a therapist just to keep my mental health good and stable and I have loved that experience. I didn’t feel like it was enough anymore though. I started journaling more to get out my thoughts on paper. I talked daily on the phone to people who love me and care for me to talk through the struggles I had that day and the good things I had going on. I started meditating once a week, which I hope to increase as I learn more and keep practicing. And how I felt got better but it still wasn’t quite enough to make me feel like a sane person again. So I went to the doctor.

I don’t like to use meds, not really even for sicknesses. I thought I would give it a go though. I talked to a lot of people that take things for their own stress and anxiety and they had nothing but good things to say. I felt like nothing could make it worse so why not try. I haven’t been on them long enough to notice huge changes yet but I do feel better. Probably a combination of my mindful practices finally settling in and the hectic-ness of my life settling down. I will write an update post in a month or so to go over how its been going for me.

I went over a lot and its pretty deep, so I’ll leave you here. Like I mentioned earlier, if anyone wants more on this or has questions, please feel free to email me and I’ll answer them or approach anything else as needed: thecortisoldiaries@gmail.com

And just some affirmations for you:

  • You are loved.
  • You are enough.
  • You are safe.

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

Where’s the Bod at???

As promised in my last post….I owe you all an update on what my fit life regimen has been consisting of and where I’m currently sitting at.

If I’m being completely honest, I have been doing NOTHING the last few months. I basically went super hard with the diet and exercise up until my terrain race back at the end of May, then I went into a very hard vegetable mode. I had probably gotten down to about 118 before my Miami trip and if we’re being 100%, I was happy with where I was, at that point. I had full intentions of getting back on track after that trip but due to a series of unfortunate events known as an upper respiratory infection + my trip to San Jose, I was out of commission.

I ended up putting a freeze on my Camp Gladiator account and started sporadically going to yoga. I was probably going about once or twice a week, mainly going to hot yoga but I also gave onnit a try. If you’re as clueless as I was about “onnit yoga” here is a definition for you: “a mat-based fitness class that combines yoga warm up and cool down with strength and conditioning programming. Onnit equipment consisting of Steel Bells and Maces are used to provide higher resistance than normal bodyweight classes, resulting in a sweat dripping session!”

Hot yoga always left me sore here and there but onnit was definitely a different experience. I thoroughly enjoyed it but it was tough, especially considering how unfit I was at the time. I was sore for over a week I think. As you can guess that was about the most physically active I was until August when I finally got a break from all the traveling.

Let’s catch up on diet before we move past August….Diet=trash. It wasn’t as bad as I thought initially but I definitely wasn’t tracking my macros or caloric intake, which I hated but I just didn’t have the motivation or time to do so. I always tried to make healthy choices but when you’re traveling for work, sometimes you are stuck with things that are convenient to eat to make sure you even eat at all.

Beginning of August I was sitting at a solid 125 lbs, where I’m still at right now. Since August, my Camp Gladiator account has been unfrozen! I’ve yet to go because I still have been busy…BUT I’m still being active. I’ve been trying to find balance of traveling while still being able to incorporate a fit and healthy lifestyle. I’m still mastering it but I’m definitely better now when I travel compared to back in July. I don’t use traveling as an excuse now. Whether it be to eat unhealthy or not be active. I use traveling as an opportunity to see the healthy and different options other areas have to offer when it comes to eating and being active.

And its now October… Helllllo spooky season!

The Office Pumpkin GIF

Right now CG is about to start its BOLD week next week, which I will be attending at least one class to start getting back in the swing of the CG life. I’ll keep you guys updated on how getting back into it goes for me. In addition to slowly adding that back in, I’ll still be going to yoga as well as using my apartment and work gym when I need something more convenient. I’m hoping to get to an active level of 5-6x per week of at least 30 mins of activity.

Now to eating habits…I still try to make healthy choices every time I eat. I haven’t gotten back into my macros yet but I do plan on calculating and tracking those again to get back on track. That will probably happen over the next couple weeks. I also plan on incorporating something to blog about, probably once a month, which will also start over the next few weeks.

Lots of good content coming! If there is anything you would like me to write about or any questions, please feel free to leave a comment or email me at: thecortisoldiaries@gmail.com

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

It’s Been Awhile…

Hello! It certainly has been awhile since I’ve been able to share some of my brain juice with you. For those who haven’t followed any of my previous posts…I’m Mariah AND go check them out. And for those of you who are wondering where I went…HELLO I’m back!!!

Big Brother Hello GIF by Identity

A lot of things have been going on lately, hence me going missing for the last few months. This summer has been CRAZY busy but definitely one for the books. Let’s catch up.

My last post was about completing “No Alcohol April” which was a success, that you can read about here: No Alcohol April

Since that post I have been going nonstop. I completed my first obstacle 5K which was awesome. It was a terrain race, lots of ropes, tires, fences and mud. My sister, her husband, their two kids and my friend completed it with me and we had a blast. I didn’t think I was going to be able to do all of the obstacles but I actually was able to attempt everything, even if I didn’t actually make it through each one in its entirety. An amazing experience to say the least and definitely has intrigued me to do more of them.

I also did a huge amount of traveling over June and July. In June, I was able to make it out to Miami, FL and San Jose, CA, which was a first for me for both places! Miami was amazing and I’m already thinking about when I’ll be able to make it back out there. That trip was a nice lil vacation with two of my close gal pals. I went to San Jose about a week after my Miami trip, this trip was for work. Lemme tell ya, that was definitely a trip for the books. It was my first time traveling for work since I have moved into my new role and it was an experience to travel to do something other the recruiting.

July was probably the busiest month I’ve had all year. So I went to San Jose the last week of June and the following week was the first week of July. My sister and my birthday were in that first week which led to most of the busyness initially. My best friend and I traveled to Galveston to celebrate my birthday along with the Fourth of July. The same day that we returned from Galveston I had a leadership event for work that day – Wednesday which was a bit draining but the worst thing, was missing my bed….

After those fun excursions I had a week to myself before I took off to Scottsdale, Arizona for some more work events. I was out there for almost a week before I finally returned home for a month.

So now that you’re all caught up where am I currently? Well its now the middle/end of September and I’m currently writing to you from an airport on my way to Costa Mesa, California….for work. I’m super excited about this trip, I’ve never been to SoCal before and this is one of the first offices I saw open and I staffed for. Another fun fact, I actually started this blog last Saturday sitting on my best friend’s patio in Denver, Colorado. So I guess you can say September has been busy as well.

The next few weeks are also going to be very hectic, but I love the busyness of it all. So many good, exciting things coming up.

I’m planning to get back to one blog a week, hopefully after this one. I’ve given you some of “what I’ve been up to” life updates so I’m sure I’ll follow this blog up with a “where my body is at” update soon.

I promise no more hiatus’ without fair warning, until next time…

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

No Alcohol April

As always, if you’ve been following my last few posts, you probably have an idea what this one is about. I’ve been wanting to start doing different health related things (like this) for periods of time and then reviewing how it was for me. So just because alliteration is fun, I decided to do “No Alcohol April.”

I was super nervous about this, main reason being, peer pressure is a bitch. And being completely honest, I have little to no self control. I ended up making it through the whole month without cheating though! It was much easier than I initially intended. I will say, reading “This Naked Mind,” probably helped a million times more than if I tried to do it without reading that book.

I lived my life like I had when I was drinking. I wasn’t going to limit what I was doing just because I wasn’t drinking. I definitely went to happy hours, nights out, friends little parties, you name it. It wasn’t even weird either! For the most part, all of my friends were super supportive and didn’t give me shit. The people who actually did give me shit, were people I didn’t even know.

While I was out one time, this guy who was a friend of a friend, I literally didn’t even know his name, kept bothering me and laughing at the fact that I wasn’t drinking. I truly felt bad for him, the fact the he was letting what I was doing affect his life so much. Like what does me not drinking do to you dude?

ANYWAYS…. Besides that one scenario, there weren’t really any other instances where something like that occurred. Of course, every now and then, people would be like, “you want a beer?” I would just look at them for a second and they would realize I wasn’t drinking. I didn’t really feel like I was missing out on anything by not drinking. I surprisingly still had fun doing all the activities that I did drunk, sober. I didn’t crave anything either. My experience was much more positive than what I initially thought it would be.

Besides the process of not drinking and experiences I had, I did actually have a lot of things change physically and mentally. Before when I was drinking 2-3x a week, I didn’t sleep as good, I didn’t have as much energy and my weight was always fluctuating. It took bout 2 weeks for these things to change. I started noticing my sleep got much better. I have a Fit Bit Versa that tracks my sleep cycles and I noticed that I went from getting almost 2 hours of “awake/restlessness” to 30 minutes of it! I think that naturally caused my energy levels to go up as well since I was getting more restful sleep . I felt really good too. I was very emotionally stable and my self-awareness had gone up significantly, which made my job easier to help others.

Other than some of those things, one of the largest thing I noticed was how my body felt and looked. I’ll post some pictures I took soon, but my body looked more tight and fit. I was less bloated and actually looked and felt skinny. I didn’t lose any weight from stopping my drinking habits but my weight did stop fluctuating. It was the most consistent that it has ever been. It would MAYBE vary by .5-1lb but it was any of those huge differences like I noticed when I was drinking moderately. While drinking my weight could be 123 one day and 126 the next and I would think nothing of it because it was expected. I now panic a little when I see those jumps because I’m no longer accustomed to it.

Overall, I 100% will continue taking breaks from drinking every now and then and recommend you to try it out too. Its such a good experience and your body will thank you later. Just remember, the hardest part is getting started but anyone can do it if you really have the desire too.

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

Sugar Free Me

For those of you who know me or have noticed my consistent post endings, you know I’m religious. I don’t push my religion or my beliefs on anyone, but a friendly heads up – this post is about lent. I promise this is related to my normal posts just in a different aspect.

What is lent? Lent is a solemn religious observance in the Christian liturgical calendar that begins on Ash Wednesday and ends approximately six weeks later on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday.

During this “holy time” individuals are prompted to give up luxuries they feel the cannot live without to replicate the sacrifice that Jesus gave for us. Every year I participate in this activity and every year I have successfully given up whatever it was I chose to and abstained from it. This year I felt I didn’t have anything good to give up. I sat down with my mom and brainstormed.

What would be a true sacrifice for me to give up?

I thought about this for a few days, bouncing between coffee, makeup and nails … things I have given up before. I didn’t want to replicate something I had already given up once before though. I finally came to the conclusion of what I could give up.

Sugar.

I am quite the sugar-holic. From candies and sweets to chocolates and just about anything else you could think of. I definitely knew this was going to be something I could do and it would mean more. So that is what I decided to give up.

I successfully completed the 40 day period without a single bite of any sugary sweets. It was hard and I had to find alternatives but I noticed a lot more than just the sacrifice of me giving it up. I definitely felt changes in my body during this time.

The first week or so….I won’t lie, it was really freaking hard. I was craving SO BAD. I wanted anything that had sugar. This is when I learned I had to find healthy alternatives that have natural sugars- IE: fruits. I had never really branched out and tried different fruits. I always had the same things, bananas, blueberries and strawberries. I’m not kidding, I have kept those three fruits in a constant rotation since I started buying my own groceries like 5 years ago. I never tried different things.

So during this time, I decided to sign up for Imperfect Produce (which is super awesome 10/10 recommend, I’ll post a link and code below). I felt like this was a good option to force myself to try new things, and it most certainly did. I started trying all kinds of fruits I never would’ve chose to buy myself. This aided tremendously in my constant sweet tooth. The remainder of my time during lent, fruit was my go to when I needed that sugar fix. Right now, I’m super hype on pears.

As the days passed I felt less and less cravings for the previous sugars I used to eat. When I first started, I had a hard time being around people that were eating candy or cake or just any sweet treat. After a few weeks passed I actually was able to move past that and not really feel any which way about being around it.

Once Lent came to an end, I went sugar crazy on Easter… I literally ate so many sweets and candies I got sick and had a “sugar hangover” the next day. It was the absolute worst. Now that some time has passed since then I’m not sugar crazy anymore and am actually not binging like I did the first day. I now just eat if I have it available, which good for me, I never do and I don’t feel the need to buy it. I’m very happy with myself for giving it up and being able to still continue a low sugar “diet.”

Here is my Imperfect Produce code, definitely check it out!

http://imprfct.us/v/Mariah_5

“Though I fall, I will rise” Micah 7:8

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started